Questionable Valentine’s gifts, subzero cricket & cinema night!

Good Morning and a Happy romance day to you!

I can’t pretend that either I, or indeed Mrs P, go in terribly whole heartedly for huge public displays of affection.  That is not necessarily to do with a complete lack of romantic bones in our bodies but might well be that at the tender age of 20 it was completely bashed out of us where at the wonderful Agricultural College that was Seale-Hayne to be caught so much as holding hands was a crime punishable with the downing of at least two pints in quick succession!  A ‘PDA’ (Public Display of Affection) as it was known was a major sin!  It would appear that not a lot has changed as if either Charlie or I so much as give one another a quick kiss on the cheek it is followed by screams and very convincing retching noises from our eldest daughter Nancy(14) who takes the view that having to witness such a thing is tantamount to mental abuse?!

The final reason I try to avoid showering my wife with gifts in the middle of February is that I invariably get it spectacularly wrong.  Sadly, I have yet again proved this theory to be correct this year.  Mrs P has been in search of a certain type of jean/trouser for a while and I thought I would find them and indeed after much searching I did.  They appeared to be on the other side of the Atlantic but I gritted my teeth and ordered them.  My excitement when they arrived on Thursday was a tiny bit pathetic, but never the less I presented them to Mrs P and waited in smug expectation for the out pouring of gratitude, love and indeed affection that would surely follow.  I realised all was not well when Edith uttered the words “really?”. This was followed by Nancy mumbling the words “maternity trousers” and finally Charlie saying “how fat do you think I am?”  I took immediately umbrage at this and said that I had checked her current trousers and that was what I ordered size wise.  She then put them on and I realised all was lost.  It turns out I had effectively bought my wife a size 20 which as you may have guessed by now was a couple of fathoms too big.  I have now totally retired from clothes shopping for my wife ever again and can only hope that some form of forgiveness will follow soon.


We have had a wonderfully busy week at The Smokery with the February Box and indeed theSupper for 2 Box proving themselves to be much more popular and successful gifts than huge black velvet trousers from America!  I am delighted that they are all going down so well and the feedback we have already had for our new Supper Box has been really lovely.  It also clearly lends itself to this arctic like weather as any meal that has piping hot Golden Syrup Bread and Butter pudding as its curtain call would do!  The box is as follows: –



150g smoked salmon

Loaf of Rye bread

2 x 8oz Rump steaks

150g of stilton (with which to create Ambers amazing stilton sauce )

2 small bottles of wine 1 x Malbec and 1 x sauvignon Blanc

2 x Syrup bread and butter puddings


All delivered to any door of your choosing for just £50. The February box is delivered for £35 and our whole sides of sliced and unsliced salmon are also both still on offer this month too.


These and everything else can be ordered through our website at or just call Amber and myself in the office from 9am tomorrow on 01458 250875


Finally, I will leave you with a bit of news of the lockdown goings on at Pattisson Towers.  One of the constants has been sub zero cricket come hail or snow.  Bertie in particular has become totally obsessed and he managed to drag us all out for a game yesterday afternoon I even managed to get Nancy caught behind on the basis that the noise heard was bat on ball when in fact it was my teeth chattering!  This weekend also marks the start of half term here and to mark the occasion ‘The Loons’ decided to have a full cinema night.  Tickets were made and menus were created, there was popcorn and even pick and mix sweets which could be purchased in the foyer!  Slightly to my shame the price of these confections were even more grossly overpriced than the real thing. During the intermission of ‘Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix’  there were even ice cream tubs.  These were sold by a very drunk old lady who went by the name of Mavis and appeared from nowhere and disappeared into the freezing cold night once her duties were done mumbling something about needing another dozen gin and orange!  I sadly missed her completely as I was with the dog in the garden whilst she powdered her nose?  The boys have been waiting to see this film for a long time as the rule is that you can’t see the film until you have read the book and we finished reading that to them on Thursday.  I have to admit to not knowing if I was proud or slightly depressed when Stan (6) said the so often muttered words afterwards that “it was good, but it was nothing like the book!”

I must away the girls are downstairs picking all the products for tomorrows orders so I had better offer just a tiny bit of supervision otherwise Tyna and Seb will have my guts for garters in the morning!


I hope you have a lovely rest of day and remember its not just the food portions that the Americans ‘Supersize’ they appear to do it to women’s trousers too!


My very, very best regards,