Sunday Ramble – Willy Wonka & Chainsaws

Good Morning, I write to you from my kitchen table on what is a frosty but lovely morning here in Somerset.  The day started with the most exciting news … I was in a deep slumber (a state I have to admit to being jolly keen on) and found myself being shaken awake in what felt like an almost frenzied fashion.   As my consciousness began to surface the shaking appeared to grow even more intense and the words “Daddy! Daddy you’ve won! WAKE UP!”.  I began to peel my eyes open to be confronted by someone who bore a strong resemblance to Stan but who appeared to be dressed in a black top hat, a checked shirt, a green silk jacket and a large purple bow tie?!  He was waving something in my face and with a very serious tone said “Congratulations you’ve won the last golden ticket”.  The clock said 5.45am and Willy Wonka was now clambering over me to get to his mother and share the amazing news.  On that basis alone I think we can safely say that all is well and normal here at Pattisson Towers.

 

It is Sunday and that means that it is the last day of our week long FREE DELIVERY ON ALL ORDERS.  So if you have not managed to take advantage of this you only have until midnight tonight to do so.  You can order whatever you like for delivery whenever you like in the future and the delivery will be free as long as the orders are placed by the end of today.  So, whether it’s a whole baked ham for a family gathering in August, a side of salmon for September or even a Family Hamper for Christmas place the order today and delivery will be FREE.

Finally, as many of you may know I am almost famed for being the most hopeless and impractical chap imaginable so what I am about to tell you may well bring on a significant wave of anxiety.  My mother-in-law, Biddy, had been set the task of having her brothers garden cleared, over hanging trees cut down and ensuring that neighbours on all sides were happy.  So having taken a couple of soundings she asked a chap to quote for and then carry out all the work that needed doing.  He said he would need cherry pickers and chipping machines and that he would need a good slug of funds upfront.  This was all done and then she received a message saying all the work had been carried out and could she now pay the balance.  She drove down to Devon to check that everything had been done as requested to find that not even 50% of the work had been done and that everything that had been chopped down had simply been left and that that had been dumped and was now blocking a footpath!  The neighbours had informed her that there had not been a cherry picker or chipper in sight.  Biddy was a bit desperate and so I borrowed a pals chainsaw and with Edith we set off for Devon on Friday.  Mrs P waved good bye to me as if the next time she saw me I was unlikely to still be in possession of my full compliment of limbs and gave Edith a packed lunch and some basic first aid instruction.   I am delighted to say we did it and having finished and cleared everything Edie admitted to her Granny “to be honest I didn’t think he’d even be able to start it let alone know how to use it!”  From a daughter who spends most of her time being acutely embarrassed by and thinking that her father is a complete halfwit this was a compliment of the very highest order and one I will cling to for a good while .

I must away as I am apparently needed to present my golden ticket and start my tour of Mr Wonka’s chocolate factory which has been built in the garden!

I hope you have a restful Sunday and remember no job too big or small Ginger Jess from Somerset is available and comes with a chainsaw!

My very,  very best regards,

Jess