I write to you this morning from the family Pattisson’s favourite place of Instow in North Devon where for the last 15 years we have always spent the October half term.  The weather is beyond wet and wild and it is quite simply perfect.  Edith, Bertie and I set off down to the beach this morning pretty much at first light with Olive the dog to give her a huge walk before breakfast.  In true Pattisson fashion the moment we set foot onto the beach the skies turned to what only can be described as a biblical grey/black/ yellow and delivered exactly what they promised!  It was brilliant and we walked to the far waters edge before turning our faces into the tumult.  Now I have on occasion been known to bang on a good deal and the main topic of conversation on our outward journey was how amazing my new coat was, and how my waterproof trousers had never so much as left me damp.  One couldn’t speak on the homeward journey due to the need to keep ones eyes and mouth firmly shut against a mixture of sand, rain and hail stones!  However, it was with some surprise and concern that I noticed that a significant dampness had developed around my groinal area and shortly it became clear that I had in fact managed to leave the fly of my much heralded waterproof trousers ajar and the Pattisson privates were in fact awash with Devon Rain!  It was an uncomfortable last quarter mile or so but having shared my predicament with Bert and Edie their hysterical laughter and desire to get home to tell the others seemed to carry us home very promptly.

Hopefully a good many of you have received our new catalogue by now and fear not if you have not as they will be landing this week.  It is rather amazingly the last week of October which means that you only have one more week to enjoy the October Box, which we will deliver to any door of your choosing for £35.  Of course our 10% off all orders is with us so that if this weather convinces you to snuggle in and do your Christmas shopping or menu planning you can order today for delivery in December and still receive 10% off everything you order.

I must away now as having dried off and had an enormous breakfast I have been informed that it’s time to go crabbing and then I promised to build Stan a spitfire in the sand!  What on earth is wrong with a good old fashioned sand castle heaven alone knows but I’m secretly quite chuffed he believes me even remotely capable of such a task!

I hope you have a lovely Sunday and remember waterproof trousers are only as good as the halfwit using them!

My very best regards,

Jess

I write this this morning in rather a state!  The main reason for this is that, having followed everyone who felt they had a right to give me advice, I yesterday trundled off to receive my Flu Jab.  The lovely lady who administered it got off to a flying start when she asked me to relax my arm and let it go floppy and when I did she said “gosh you have a very muscly arm!”.  I blushed and tried to give her my very best James Bond smile before her colleague started giggling and I realised she clearly said that to all the boys!  Anyway as I left she said it might make me feel a bit off colour for a couple of days.  Jeepers! I could barely get my head off the pillow this morning and the  golf and cricket practice I have promised the loons is beginning to look Everest-like in proportions, but as Bertie was very quick to point out “a promise is a promise!”.

 

The other reason for my mental pain and weariness this morning is that much to my utter shock and horror I returned to the homestead last night ready to prepare steak sandwiches for Film Night to be told there was no Film Night as it was week one of ‘Strictly Come Dancing’.  The huge level of excitement was only matched by my despondency that between now and Christmas Saturday nights would just be me reduced to ranting at the television about “cheats who had clearly spent their entire youth being trained in dance” and “If that was a Charleston then I’m a Dutchman”.  It has not started well as of the entire list of apparent ‘celebrities’ Mrs P and I only knew who three of them were and one of them we cannot abide!

 

Hopefully some of you have now received our new catalogue and are enjoying thumbing your way through it beginning to decide who will be lucky enough to receive what both now and most importantly for Christmas.  It also means that from now un until the end of November every order will receive 10% off.  So whether you would like it delivered on Tuesday or on the 19th of December you will get 10% off the value of your order.  So, have fun and feel free to get ordering either online at www.brownandforrest.co.uk or call Amber in the office from 9am-4pm Monday to Saturday on 01458 250875.

 

I must away now as Bert, Stan and Edie have just appeared brandishing golf clubs with a look of serious determination on their faces so my limbs of lead are about to be pressed into action!

 

I hope you have a very relaxing Sunday and remember ones very best James Bond smile is never entirely wasted on someone coming at you with a needle!

 

My very best regards,

 

Jess

JPs birthday, Stanley & weekly ramble

I write this morning from my kitchen table after a long and eventful week both at the Smokery and at Pattisson Towers!

 

It started a full week ago, which I have to admit feels a tiny bit more like a month, when Charlie and I finally agreed that due to the monsoon raging outside there probably weren’t any more excuses we could find to avoid turning the boys beds into the bunk beds they were designed to be.  Now, you may remember that I have occasionally alluded to the fact that I am genuinely the world’s most impractical man so the very thought of embarking on such a task, even just as my wife’s lowly foot solider, leaves me short of breath and in all honesty a tad grumpy!  I have since been informed by everyone who came into contact with me last Sunday that the phrase “Tad Grumpy” does not even come close to the horrendous reality they apparently had to endure!  Anyway after a good deal of sighing and the occasional curse regarding both the state of the boys bedroom and the “quality of Philips screwdrivers these days” mount bunk bed was conquered, our marriage was hanging by a thread and the boys were literally bouncing off the walls and indeed the top bunk with excitement!  It was at this point that Mrs P decided to strike a deal with Stan.  The deal offered was that now he had a bunk bed he had to sleep in it all night as swapping with his father at 2am was no longer an option.  I’m not sure if I’m supposed to be proud or ashamed with his response which was “what present do I get if I sleep in my own bed for a whole week?”.  His mother who clearly had unbeknownst to me dropped one of the beds on her head and concussed herself in their erection, said “what would you like?”.  In less than a second he replied with words that until then I did not know even existed in a sentence in that order. “A Rainbow Barbie Doll”.  I suspected strongly that Edith had possibly had a strong influence on this rather unusual choice but then again lets not forget that when he is not Stan he is his alter ego of Martha who has a splendid collection of his sisters cast off dresses!  The deal struck he has proceeded to sleep all night in his own lower bunk. Yesterday morning his mothers half of the deal was produced and the extraordinary out pouring of excitement would probably suggest that Edith had no hand at all in his choice!  I attach a picture in way of proof and also just in case there are any of you out there that need to know exactly what a ‘Rainbow Barbie Doll’ looks like!

 

Enough of that madness the other reason it has been such a long week is because we have been signing off the new catalogues and taking delivery of them from the printers.  They will begin to arrive with you towards the end of next week and I hope you approve.  We were also informed that we would be having our annual Environmental Health Audit on Thursday which turned out to be six hours in length and although we passed with flying and very complimentary colours is quite nerve wracking and a tad exhausting.  Finally, yesterday we had a whole and completely new flue installed on the hot smoker which is long overdue and looks fantastic Tim won’t know himself tomorrow and I’m sure the chaps who spent the whole day on the roof installing it have hopefully warmed up again by now.

 

Our October Box is proving hugely popular as are many of our hampers which folk are sending to loved ones and friends who find themselves slightly re-immersed in less than liberal worlds of movement and making merry according to where they are situated!  We can sadly do nothing at all about who is allowed to do what, with who and when BUT we can and will carry on delivering anything you or your pals may like delivered to their, or your, doors.

 

I will leave you now having clearly  banged on even longer than usual for which I apologise.  I have been told by Bertie and the rest of the loons and Mrs P that I have to record the fact that today I become the oldest person working at the Smokery by 16 years, somehow 15 was bearable.  For this to be possible clearly I must have an incredibly young team, which I do, as Amber as the next oldest was very keen to point out.  I have been spoilt rotten and presented with a brand spanking new golf bag which I will be using with pride for the next two days as I am skiving off to play golf and make merry with three great pals.  Just between you and me having to ensure 2 metres distance at all times from Peter, Coxy and William is a significant blessing and one I am extremely grateful to Boris for!

 

Have a great rest of Sunday and if anyone knows who is responsible for the design and longevity of Phillips Screwdrivers these days give them a good kick in the pants from me.  I must truly be approaching old man status as I nearly wrote ‘they don’t make them like they used to!

 

My very very best regards,

 

Jess